At some point I’ll give some background on my journey to ADHD. I’m 36 and this is a fairly new diagnosis. Future me: Add a link here.

I keep feeling the urge to share some of this experience and it came back again earlier this week as I was reflecting on some work I had to do.

Which is probably why I’ve spent a stupid amount of time this week sorting out how to make a bloody static website/blog thing… Anyway.

The newest development is that I started with an amphetamine salt a week ago. I haven’t had the heavens-opened-and-gave-me-life moment I see discussed on r/ADHD sometimes, but I didn’t really expect that either. Euphoria with starting a stimulant medication is real friends, FYI!

One week in there are some side-effects so there’s more adjusting to do with dosing and/or switching from immediate to extended release pills. I can see the difference though and I never want to go back to untreated ADHD if I can help it!

So earlier this week I was trying to think about what’s different. I think it’s been easier to step back from a behavior and ask myself what’s going on. Like, why am I avoiding this task? Drugs are not magically gonna make me do paperwork (unfortunately).

I’ve always found it useful to try to ask myself what’s going on when I notice a problem and I’m a big believer in breaking down tasks or problems into something manageable. Since I started learning about ADHD, I’ve seen this same advice come up a lot in ADHD communities, like on the How to ADHD channel on YouTube (which I highly recommend).

The problem is, even asking myself questions or planning tasks takes effort. A lot of times it’s just not gonna happen. I see/hear this advice and I’m like

hotlinking my own shit because images are being dumb


On Monday I could really see how the medication is helping my brain do some of the heavy lifting. It was 5:30pm and I hadn’t done any paid work (for a contract job). Why? Because I thought it would take too long? Because I was tired? Because it was work I had already put off for a while and I let it turn into an awful blob of guilt in my head? Probably that last one.

I don’t think I could have asked myself those questions the week before. Granted, the previous several weeks had been hell (see: ADHD journey link whenever I write that post), but this isn’t a new problem. In the past, it felt like I had to dig into my well of will-power to get something done. The lie was thinking that well existed or was in my control. The problem wasn’t my desire to do things, it was my dopamine and loads of other stuff keeping my brain from working the way I thought it should.

Since being diagnosed, I told myself if medication could just help me feel a little more capable of doing things in my life, I would happy. So far, that’s still true. I still don’t want to do things on my to-do list sometimes and I’m still getting focused on the wrong tasks, but we’re moving in the right direction.

I’m trying to embrace the ADHD-ness of how I do things instead of trying to shove myself into the mindset or workflow I think I should follow based on what works for other people. Continuing to see myself through this new lens and adding tools like medication makes me feel excited to be myself.